Thursday, 29 January 2009

Womens Tennis Pledges

In light of this tournament, and of Barack Obama's inauguration, I have decided to call of list of pledges some of the top women on the tour should take:

Venus Williams: I will remember that the tennis year starts in January and not in the middle of June.

Elena Dementieva: I will learn how to serve under pressure.

Vera Zvonareva: I will continue to remember that winning matches is much more fun than losing them and crying.

Ana Ivanovic: I will take a step back and ask myself 'WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?'

Jelena Jankovic: I will remember that I am actually a half-decent player and that performances like a certain match against Miss Bartoli will not be tolerated.

Svetlana Kuznetsova: I will believe in myself and get a good, fairly permanent doubles partner who will help me improve.

Jelena Dokic: I will, under no accounts, ever ever ever, reunite with the Evil One (Damir).

Anna Chakvetadze/ Nicole Vaidisova: I will work really hard to get my top-10 form back. Or I shall pray for it back.

Carla Suarez Navarro: I will remember that a Grand Slam event finishes in the final, not the quarters.

Victoria Azarenka: I will continue to decimate those who cross me and not choke (or get ill).

Alisa Kleybanova/ Aleksandra Wozniak: I will note how I am actually quite a good player but I shall undertake a rigorous training porgramme to certify that.

Dominika Cibulkova: I will attack sometimes and not always defend.

Caroline Wozniacki: What Dominika said.

Amelie Mauresmo: I will either quit or work my a*** off to get back to the top, not to stagnate at around the 30 rankings mark forever.

Michelle Larcher de Brito: I will actually qualify for some events.

No comments:

Post a Comment